Of course, I type this at 3:30 on Monday morning because I couldn't sleep. Every time I turned in bed my hips crack and ache from the weight, but I probably would have been fine if my bladder hadn't gotten the best of me. Yesterday while brushing my teeth my entire cereal breakfast came back up, before that I had a complete meltdown after the original breakfast I cooked was a disaster, when I've been sitting down for a while and get up I do a combination of a crab shuffle and old woman walk until my back straightens out, my feet and hands (and face!) are suddenly swollen no thanks to our 80+ degree weather, I can't tie my shoes without gasping for air, every day chores are so exhausting I can't stand it, I'm frantically trying to work through my email at work in fear that things will fall through the cracks while I'm on leave, I've slept a few nights in the LaZBoy to alleviate my acid reflux, it's not physically possible to walk any slower and actually move forward, I have the most active baby in utero and fear what that means when she finally arrives, driving hurts especially when I have a rump or a heel under my ribs, but right now I just wish I were in bed sleeping as I know I'll pay all day at work today.
|35.5 Weeks (last update at 30.5)|
These are all small complaints, though, for a pregnancy that has been wonderful. The other day I was driving home from work on a particularly beautiful and warm day. I had the windows rolled down and was blasting and singing along to Amos Lee. I just started sobbing because my heart was so full of love and happiness. I think about all the pain and tears I experienced last year after the miscarriage and then the failure to get pregnant in the months afterwards and all of that pain has melted away. Even though I joke that this baby doesn't ever stop moving, I love feeling her wiggle around and know she'll be a spunky one. I simply cannot wait to meet her and get to know her outside of the womb. And I cannot wait for my husband to meet this baby girl that I already feel I've gotten to know a little bit and see him grow into the role of father.
The past couple of weeks have really slowed down for me. I sometimes feel guilty for being lazy as I sit on the couch catching up with my Real Simple magazine (December issue--if you must know how seldom I allow myself the lazy pleasure). For the first time in my life I've started to ignore some of the "shoulds" and just focused on being. It's strange and sometimes I feel a bit restless, but mostly I'm too exhausted to do much of anything anyway. I've been watching a ridiculous amount of TV with Scott, which I don't typically like, but then I remind myself that these days are becoming more and more limited. As are my days of it just being the two of us--something that is exciting and sad at the same time.
|Scott and Trish - 32 weeks|
When I'm not just being, I'm busy nesting. Trying to declutter my home, trying to get everything ready in the baby's room even though she won't sleep up there for at least several weeks, trying to get in as many homecooked meals as I can, trying to organize and simplify now while I still can. I think going through these motions has helped me avoid the big Freak Out that for some reason still hasn't happened to me. I know I should be anxious and a nervous wreck that this baby could come at any time, but the Freak Out just hasn't come yet. This pregnancy has made me strangely relaxed and I wonder if maybe the anxiety just won't come--until that baby girl arrives that is.
|No, baby's name is not really Baby Billy Sue|
Oh, I could keep tying and typing. Even though I knew this would happen I really regret not keeping a better journal of the pregnancy. The things you put off for another day... But now it's 4:30 and Scott's alarm is bound to go off at any time. Will I even be able to get any more sleep before I'm supposed to wake up or will today be one of those days? I'm not ready yet, though, to wish away these days--the time before my life flips completely on its head and everything changes.
So...in closing, I'm asking you for your words of wisdom. Every pregnant woman complains about the unsolicited advice she receives, and I've received my share of sentiments that have caused me to raise my eyebrows, but now I'm soliciting. Go ahead...! Anything from the pratical (holy cow I don't even know how to bathe a baby!), to the emotional, to the time management of being a working mother, to life balance--to anything.
Before that clocks ticks down any further...goodnight! Er...or something.